


Reading Fanfic Pays Off

by LilyInTheSnow



Series: The Intelligence Nerd and The Avengers [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Anal Plug, Anal Sex, Attempt at Humor, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Captain America Steve Rogers/Modern Bucky Barnes, Crossover, Humor, Lace Panties, M/M, Semi-Public Sex, Shrunkyclunks, Smut, There's two of Bucky, Uh..., and two of Steve, i guess?, i honest to god don't know how to tag this thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:42:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23533255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyInTheSnow/pseuds/LilyInTheSnow
Summary: Steve and Bucky from Intelligence Nerd wind up in the Hello Future Husband verse. Barista!Bucky takes Intelligence Nerd!Bucky lingerie shopping and some other stuff happens too.Like maybe Steve gets jealous and bones Bucky against a tree.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: The Intelligence Nerd and The Avengers [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/968832
Comments: 43
Kudos: 215





	1. What the fuck?

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't read Hello Future Husband, that world's Bucky is a barista with a serious thirst for Steve and involves many pair of lace panties, nipple piercings, low-rise skinny jeans, very little actually coffee type things, and lotsa smut. You won't be totally lost if you don't read it, but I gently suggest that you do.  
> It can be found [**here**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19836724?view_full_work=true)

Wind rushed in his ears, drowning out the sound of his and Steve's screams. Lights flew past them, what he thought might've been stars if it had been nighttime. Only his and Steve's entwined hands kept them from being torn away from each other.

It, whatever it was, was over as soon it began and he and Steve landed with twin thumps and groans. Bucky squeezed his eyes shut tightly as he fought to calm his rebellious stomach.

“Steve? Are you okay, baby?” All Bucky got in reply was dry heaves and gasps for air. He opened his eyes and saw that he and Steve had landed on a sidewalk in front of a coffee shop, a busy sidewalk at that and no one seemed to have noticed their sudden appearance, just moved around them like a stream flowing around a boulder. Probably none of them were Hydra or they’d be attacking right now while they were out of sorts. “We ain't in Kansas anymore, honey.” He wiggled their joined hands until Steve opened his eyes.

“What the fuck?  _ What the fuck! _ ”

“Same.”

“Where the hell are we?”

“Looks like Brooklyn.” Sort of. He looked up and down the vaguely familiar buildings. It took him a moment but he finally realized that they were on the same street his old apartment complex was on. Should've been on. Right there where the coffee shop was. What the fuck, Hydra? He tried the team on the comms and groaned.

“Comms are dead. Let's get coffee and interrogate the barista.” It wasn’t a solid plan, but it was better than nothing. He and Steve would come up with something as soon as they got their bearings. 

Steve blinked at him for a long moment then shrugged. “Okay.”

Bucky stood on weak legs and braced himself to haul his husband up. Steve wobbled just as badly as he had and they leaned against each other as they stumbled into the coffee shop like drunken gazelle. 

It was a cute little shop. Neater and less like something out of a reject bin than his usual coffee shop where he got his Death coffee. All the tables and chairs matched, the artwork looked like originals. Framed sketches that looked eerily similar to some Steve had done hung on the walls between paintings that also looked similar to some Steve had done. It was also empty aside from a little scrawny dude manning the counter. He didn’t look threatening at all so Bucky was startled to hear a happy squeal from the twink behind the counter and watched in shock as the guy launched himself over the counter and flew at Steve.

He tensed, ready to beat the dude's ass if he tried to hurt Steve, and Steve yelped when the dude grabbed his shoulders and climbed up him like a spider monkey. Bucky could only watch with a raised brow as the guy kissed the shit out of Steve while making happy little moans. Little moans that Bucky had made himself when kissing his husband. Wow. What the fucking shit? It went on for a few moments longer than Bucky thought reasonable. Steve was either enjoying being kissed by the twink or was too shocked to push him away. Bucky finally jabbed Steve's ribs and Steve jolted then managed to pry the twink off of him and set him on his feet. 

“Hi honey, I missed you so damn much! I got a surprise for you when we get home. I'll give you a hint. It's lace and I got a new plug that matches it.”

Bucky raised both eyebrows at that while his husband choked on his own spit. Huh. There wasn't a lot that he and Steve hadn't done in the bedroom, but Bucky had never worn lace. Especially with a matching plug. Maybe he'd try it at some point. If only because of the blush his husband was now sporting.

“Um…”

“I think you got the wrong man kid,” Bucky murmured as he stepped between Steve and the twink that had jumped him. A twink version of himself apparently. And definitely younger, but he wasn't sure by how much. He hadn't been built like that himself since high school. Holy shit! Were he and Steve in an alternate universe? Was the fanfic of himself and Steve finally going to pay off outside the bedroom? Sweet. The kid blinked, eyes flicking between him and Steve, then gulped.

“What the fuck is going on? Steve? Baby, I really need you to say something right now.”

“Um...I'm not your Steve.” Steve winced as he said it and held up his left hand to show the the twink version of Bucky his wedding ring. Bucky raised his own left hand to show the kid the matching band that had been welded onto his ring finger.

“He’s mine.”

The kid blinked at them and Bucky caught him as he fainted, barely beating his husband to him and was that just a courtesy thing or did all Steves catch a Bucky when he fainted? Bucky had yet to actually faint in front of his husband so he wasn’t sure. He had a feeling it was just because the kid was technically a tiny version of himself and Steve was a freaking sweetheart. He carried twinky him behind the counter and laid him on the floor to keep him out of sight as his husband giggled. 

“I bet that's exactly what you looked like when you fainted after you found out we got married.”

“I told you it was an impromptu power nap!” Bucky growled quietly with a glare while his stupid husband giggled like a dork. “Floozy Tammy.”

Steve immediately quieted and glared. “Hey, now. You can't keep bringing that up! It's been like two years, Buck.”

“Then stop getting the giggles over an unplanned nap that happened nearly as long ago!”

Steve stuck his tongue out at him, ever the pentacle of maturity, then locked the doors and flipped the sign to closed. He got back behind the counter just as Bucky heard someone coming out of what he assumed was restroom and he and Steve both cursed quietly.

“Oh, hey Steve. Didn't know you were back. The beard's a good look. Just don't let Bucky talk you into the beard burn thing again. Last time he could barely sit down.”

Bucky patted his twinky counterpart on the head in commiseration. He knew how that felt. Though, with his at least, it only lasted a few moments. Thirty at most if Steve was being really rough with the beard.

“Did you change your suit? I thought it had more red?”

Ok, so this world definitely had a Steve Rogers that was Captain America. Not that his Doppeltwink hadn’t given them that much before fainting, but still. Confirmation was a good thing.

“Oh, uh...yeah. Trying something new.” He angled himself in front of Bucky and his Doppeltwink and Bucky hoped she didn’t look too closely because if she was in the least bit observant she’d see him hovering over the twinky him passed out on the floor and he had no clue what kid of shit this woman had seen. Obviously the Avengers, or at least Captain America were a thing here so she had to have seen something crazy, but probably not two people the same crazy. Well, almost the same. There was the size difference issue.

“Buck said he was going to close up early today so if you want to leave you can.” Damn it, Steve. Bucky loved the shit out of his husband, but the man could not lie to save his fucking life. He adored that about him. Most of the time. When it wasn’t possibly a literal life or death situation. He hoped this world’s Bucky owned the shop or was at least a manager. Someone with power, anyway.

“What did you say to him to get him to agree to that? He never leaves work for you. He won't even call anyone else in when you two have been up all night.”

“Um…”

Bucky winced at his husband’s inability to think of an excuse and resisted the urge to throw his hands up in the air, but only just barely.  _ He  _ was always the one that lied for them and got away with it. He was going to have to teach Steve to lie. He didn’t want to, but if they kept getting into shit situations and granted this one was his fault because he’d pushed the button, he’d have to teach his husband how to lie.

He groaned and hoped his voice sounded close enough to his passed out twinky counterpart. He was half tempted to Weekend at Bernie’s it though. “We're going to be making up for lost time.”

Steve looked down at him with a shocked expression and Bucky shrugged. What else were they supposed to do?

“Bucky! Oh my god! Right in front of my salad?”

Bucky shrugged again at Steve's questioning look then shook his head. The fuck did salads have to do with anything? They'd figure it out later.

“That's so unsanitary! You get to clean the shop up before you leave. Can't believe you couldn't wait to blow him until you got him in your office. Jeez.”

“Uh...sorry?” Bucky winced as he spoke. Steve was too busy blushing to say anything at all.

“Wait until Natasha and Clint hear about this! They're going to give you all kinds of hell.”

“Oh, God. You're fired.”

The woman only laughed then walked into the back throwing out a goodbye over her shoulder. Bucky didn't relax until he heard her leave and the door lock behind her.

“Jesus fuck. Holy shit, Stevie!” He whined, reaching up for his husband and Steve dropped to his knees beside him and pulled him into his arms. “I'm sorry I pushed the button. I just wanted to know what it did.”

“I know, doll. It's okay. We'll figure it out.”

“How! We don't even know where we are! And as far as we know the reason why that stupid base was empty is because they beat us here.”

“Coffee shop in Brooklyn. We’ll figure it out, baby doll. All of it.”

“Not our Brooklyn! My old apartment building is supposed to be right here.”

Twinky Him from the floor groaned as he started to wake and Bucky scrambled through his pockets and grabbed one of the tiny canisters of “Knockout Gas” Tony had given him. He was pretty sure they were meant as a joke, but whatever. He was desperate. He held his breath as he flicked the cap off even though he knew it wouldn't affect him and sprayed it in Twinky Him's face when he opened his eyes and tried to speak. As soon as he passed back out he pocketed the canister and looked up to see his husband staring at him in shock.

“What? He was waking up!”

“We need him to wake up! What if his Steve actually shows up? If he finds us like this and sees his Bucky laying out on the floor do you think he's gonna stop and ask questions before he tries to kill us? Would I, if it were you?”

Bucky bit his bottom lip. He knew his Steve would kill first and ask questions later. Probably any Steve would for their Bucky. Just like probably any Bucky would for their Steve.

“Shit.” He pulled the canister back out of his pocket to read the directions to see if they said how long it worked for. “Shit, shit, shit! We got half an hour. Probably. Maybe. Hopefully. Because it's Tony and he probably tested this on himself and he's weird, so.” He shrugged then looked back to Twinky Him. “You think I ever looked this damn young? Jeez, how old do you think he is?”

“Check for an ID.”

Bucky rolled his Doppeltwink over and pulled the wallet from the back pocket of his skinny jeans and accidentally flashed rainbow lace. Oops. He handed the wallet to his husband then rolled his Doppeltwink back over.

“Twenty-five. Jesus, he's just a kid!”

“Baby, honey, love of my life? We're old men, now.” Bucky would be thirty-three in a couple weeks and Steve would be thirty-five in July.

And Bucky had just managed to dump them in a world where his Doppeltwink was a fucking kid that ran a coffee shop. And how the hell did the kid run it? Was he a manager? If he was he had way more freedom than usual because he had technically closed up early. Shit. Had Bucky fucked something up?

“He's so young, Buck.”

“I know, honey. Jesus. We were both at war at twenty-five. And he's this little skinny thing. He doesn't even have any scars.”

“Neither do you.”

Bucky huffed. “Yeah, now. I did when we met. Remember? The burn scars.”

“I remember baby doll,” Steve reached over and skimmed his fingers down Bucky's left side and over his chest and stomach, tracing the scattering of scars that used to be there. The only scars he had left were the ones around his shoulder. For some reason those were the only ones that hadn’t faded.

“This kid's gotta be so innocent.”

“Not from the way he was talking about the lace and plug he got for his Steve.”

“There's different kinds of innocence, dork.” It wasn’t like he hadn’t worn a plug for his husband. He’d done it a bunch. Steve liked it when he could just pull it out and slide right in. Bucky did too. He didn’t blame his Doppeltwink for that.

“How come you've never worn lace for me?”

Bucky gave him a baleful look then shrugged. “Never thought about it. 'Sides, you could wear lace for me. Get you some nice lingerie. A pretty white lace bra. Your tits would look fantastic in lace, baby. Your ass too.” Bucky could definitely see his husband wearing lace now. Maybe even himself. Did they even have lingerie that would fit either of them? He’d have to look when they got home. If they got home. Surely Tony and J had finished gathering the intel and would be coming for them soon.

“They ain't tits, Buck!” Steve blushed like he usually did when Bucky called them tits and Bucky grinned. He'd never get tired of that argument.

“Yes they are,” croaked a tired voice from the floor. Bucky looked down at his Doppeltwink then smiled wickedly at Steve.

“See?”

“Shut it, you.”

Bucky laughed and kissed his husband then turned back to Doppeltwink and helped him sit up. “Are you okay, kid?”

“Um...I think so. Got a headache from hell and I am very confused right now. How did you get here? Why are you here? And why do you keep calling me kid? I'm a grown fucking man and I own this shop.”

“Don't know, don't know, and because you are a kid. At least compared to us.” Steve gave Twink Bucky his wallet back with a rueful smile. “We're almost ten years older than you. How old is your Steve?”

“Twenty-eight.”

Bucky giggled like a nerd, falling over and clutching his sides. “Oh, God! He's gotta just be thawed out right? Is he still in his “inflation is bullshit” stage?” Tony had shown Bucky a video of Steve’s greatest hits after he’d gotten thawed, after he’d stopped being sad and freaked out, and Bucky loved his rant about inflation the best. Well, next to the one about how much sex toys had advanced. Bucky knew his husband was quite fond of the vibrating prostate massager that he controlled with an app on his phone.

“Um...my Steve hasn't been frozen since like three years ago. We just met last year, though.”

“He was twenty-five when he went in the ice,” Steve asked.

“Yeah. I need coffee for this. This is so fucking weird. Do you two want some?” He pushed himself up to his knees, wobbling only slightly from the gas Bucky had dosed him with, then stood up and went to the coffee maker.

“Please,” Steve said. “The strongest you have.”

“Coffee Shop AU Barista!Bucky,” Bucky whispered to Steve. Steve snorted out a quiet laugh. Bucky loved Steve even if he did think that he read too much fanfic. Which there was no possible way anyone could ever read too much fanfic. Maybe it would be good for something besides roleplay this time around, though. Bucky knew all the best tropes and he also knew that Steve was now going to call this world's Barista!Bucky in his head. It was probably better than Doppeltwink or Twinky Him honestly. It would have to do. He turned his head to watch Barista!Bucky and saw a platinum band that was covered in a row of pink sparkly stones.

“You and your Steve are married, too?”

“Engaged, we're getting married in a couple months. Don't want to wait. Why don't you two go sit down and relax a bit while I make the coffee? Oh! What happened to Amy?”

Bucky giggled and Steve choked as he pulled Bucky up off of the floor.

“Um...we may have sent her home? And she may or may not have assumed that you were blowing your Steve behind the counter. I carried you back here because you fainted and she came out so I stayed hidden with you because...well…” Bucky waved a hand over himself. “Also, my voice is more gravely than yours, I guess is why she thought you were blowing him behind the counter. Sorry.”

Barista!Bucky turned to him with a sharp inhale of shock and a glare. “That is a serious health code violation! I would never!”

“She said why couldn't you wait to get your Steve to your office,” Bucky told him.

“Yeah. Sorry. She also said something about a salad? I don't know what she meant by that at all because there was no salad of any variety,” Steve said with a shrug. Bucky nodded. Seriously no salad. Why would she even say that? Coffee Shop AU Barista!Bucky fucking giggled and Bucky shared a confused look with Steve.

“What does that even mean?”

“It's a stupid meme from forever ago,” Barista!Bucky said with another round of giggles. “Go sit down, I'll get our coffee.”

Bucky dragged his husband to the furthest table from the counter, the one with the best sightlines, and sat him down then dragged a chair over and sat next to him.

“Be ready for a fight, honey. I guarantee he's going to get a message to his people. I put money on Tony and Natasha showing up first and if his Barton is anything like ours he'll come too. Shit! What if they’re bad? I mean...what if this is like opposite world? What if we’re in an alternate universe where they’re Hydra or something!” He really couldn't imagine that any of their counterparts would be evil in any reality, but he also wasn't going to take any chances. Shit was weird.

“Shh. Just try to relax, sugar.”

“I guess his Steve has been gone for a bit so hopefully he doesn't show up first.” If he did there was no telling what would happen. That and he wasn’t sure he would be able to handle two of his husband in the room at the same time. It would be like that selfcest fic he’d read once that had a future Steve and a past Steve fighting because the past Steve thought the future Steve was Loki. It had been really hot because the fighting had somehow led to them admitting they were in love with Bucky, but the past Steve thought his Bucky was dead and the future Steve’s Bucky was kind of dead which had led to them taking comfort in each other and kissing which led to boning and yeah. It had been bittersweet, but still really hot. He wasn’t sure he could handle that in person. He might pull a Barista!Bucky and faint. Maybe both of him would faint. He bet Barista!Bucky’s Steve wouldn’t laugh at them for fainting.

Barista!Bucky came over, carrying a tray with three coffee mugs and five muffins. All of them looked like chocolate chocolate chip and Bucky grinned. At least that much was the same. The muffins and a love for coffee and Steve Rogers. It was kind of neat that an alternate universe version of himself owned a coffee shop. Even a potentially evil alternate universe version of himself. Unlimited coffee sounded pretty good, but he didn’t know if he would give up working with Steve and the rest of their family to run a coffee shop.

It didn’t occur to Bucky to check their coffees for sedatives or poisons, mostly because he knew none of them would affect him or his husband, and he took a drink and made a happy little noise when he realized it was mostly cream and sugar and tasted damn near identical to his Death Coffee.

“Thanks kid, this is great.”

“Please stop calling me kid. Tony calls me kid all the time. I hate it.”

“You too, huh?” He’d known Tony for three years almost and he still fucking called him kid. Sometimes Bucky, but mostly kid.

“Yes. I hate it.” He growled a little and Bucky thought it sounded kind of cute.

“Are you called Bucky here?” The name thing was going to get confusing real quick if he was. But Bucky was a Bucky no matter where he was from and he knew he hated being called James.

“Yeah. You too, huh?”

“Yeah. I guess you can call me James.” Even though he fucking hated it. But Steve,  _ his _ Steve, would probably call him Jamie anyways and he didn’t hate  _ that. _ It would remind him of when they'd been stupidly in love with each other and too fucking dumb to see it. “We’ll work something out with everyone else, though. And Steve and I are calling you Barista!Bucky. Just so you know.”

Barista!Bucky nodded with a laugh. “Sure.”

Five minutes after getting their coffee, in which they'd basically just been sitting and staring at each other awkwardly, Tony waltzed through the door. There was no mistaking the more than cocky attitude, the clothes, that ridiculous goatee, or the tech on his wrist disguised as a watch. Though this Tony seemed to have stopped growing at the age of fourteen. He was freaking short as hell. Even with the block heels on his dress shoes.

He bit back a giggle as Tony walked to them, he didn't want to piss him off, then leaned into Steve as Stark stood over the table with his hands on his hips.

“Lucy, you got some esplaining to do,”

Bucky snorted, unable to help it, then sighed. “Nice to see you're a dork in this world too.”

“Murderista?” Tony blinked at him for long moments then looked to the Doppeltwink. “What have you gotten yourself into?”

“I didn't do shit. These ginormous dudes just showed up.”

“They are stacked,” Tony said. “Especially the cyborg.”

“I'd prefer mechanically enhanced super soldier if we're going to have labels,” Bucky said just to be an ass. Being called a cyborg was pretty neat though.

“There's two?”

“Yeah. It's a long story.”

“Can we have that story with you unarmed?”

Bucky laughed and shook his head. “You gonna be unarmed too?”

“I am.”

Bucky looked to Steve and rolled his eyes then turned back to Tony. “First of all, that particular watch isn't just a watch. Second of all, it would only take you two minutes to build something out of the cappuccino machine back there. So no, sorry.”

“Alright, you got me. How'd you know?”

“Our Tony has the same watch. And you should like the arm,” he said with a grin. “Our Tony built it.”

“I figured. I know my own tech. I haven't gotten the neural interface just right, yet.”

“You'll figure it out.”

“Can I scan your arm?”

Bucky twitched his left pinky to separate the plates and showed Stark the tiny red blinking light that was usually hidden. “You already tried. Didn't get anything, did you?”

Tony pulled a phone out of his pocket, poked at it for a second, then frowned. “Shit."

“Mmm.” Bucky took a sip of his coffee then sat the mug down and fiddled with the handle. “You gonna have a seat?”

“I guess.”

Barista!Bucky stood and went back behind the counter then started fussing with the blender. He came back moments later and sat a cup of pink something or other down in front of Stark. Bucky knew that particular shade of pink Not Coffee.

“Bubble gum frap?”

His doppeltwink giggled and picked up his own coffee. “Yep. Tony was being a nosy bitch one day-”

“Hey!”

“-and then he asked for something with the highest caffeine content I had. So I gave him this instead.”

“Nice.”

Tony glared at both of them then looked to Steve. “You're being quiet.”

“Jamie is better at this than I am.”

“Drinking coffee and talking?”

“Evaluating threat levels.”

Bucky resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Steve wasn't necessarily wrong, but he was competent enough on his own that he didn't need the help. Of the two people in the room with them only one had a chance of causing them mild discomfort. The two waiting around, however, would likely shoot first and ask questions later. And that was only if Barton could manage to stop whining about the coffee shop being invaded by shape shifting aliens long enough to focus. Bucky just knew this world's Natasha was rolling her eyes at Barton.

“Natasha and Clint should join us,” Steve said with a polite smile. Barista!Bucky grinned, Tony balked, and both Natasha and Barton cursed. Moments later Barton dropped though one of the air vents and Natasha slithered her way out of the shadows.

“Not like we couldn't hear them.”

“I don't think my Steve can even hear Natasha being sneaky. How'd you two?”

“Serum,” Bucky and Steve answered with twin shrugs.

“We need names for you two,” Stark said. “Or it's going to get confusing.”

“Cap ought to do it for Steve, and my Steve and your Bucky can call me Jamie, but if a single one of y’all fuckers calls me James I will kill you.”

“Jamie!”

“Honey, you know how much I hate being called James.”

“You can’t threaten to kill people.”

Bucky pouted, leaning back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “Fine. I won’t kill you, but I won’t be happy with you either.”

“Thank you, baby doll.” Steve leaned over and kissed his temple, ignoring his frown.

“You’re so mean to me.”

Steve snorted and kissed his temple again.

“Holy shit. They are you!” Bucky raised a brow at Barton while Barton was busy staring at Barista!Bucky. “You and your Steve act just like that.”

“No we don’t.”

“You do,” Natasha and Stark said at the same time. Barista!Bucky frowned then stuck his tongue out at them with a grumble before leaning back in his seat and pouting. It was fucking adorable. Was  _ he _ that adorable when he pouted?

“Am I that cute when I pout?”

“Cuter.”

“Rude!” Barista!Bucky stuck his tongue out at Steve.

“Gotta go with the hubby. You’re cute when you pout too, though.”

“Yes girls, you’re both very pretty.” Natasha grinned, something familiar and a little frightening. “Do you go by Rogers or Barnes?”

“Rogers.”

“Shit.”

“Stop being a brat,” Steve murmured. “He goes by Barnes-Rogers. We hyphenated.”

“Okay, know what? You’re Cap and Mr. Rogers,” Tony declared and then took a sip of his bubble gum flavored not coffee. “So, Cap and Mr. Rogers. How did you get here?”

"That would be Sergeant Rogers, actually," Steve said before Bucky could speak to correct him. Steve did it because he was proud of Bucky's rank and always had been. Bucky was going to do it to be an ass.

"Sergeant, then."

“We were in Norway visiting Thor. We got a call, our Tony caught some strange energy readings not all that far from where we were. We met up with the team. Went in. No one was there. Place was shifty as hell. Computers were out of date, someone had a creeper boner for my husband.” He grinned at Steve then looked back to Tony, Clint, and Natasha. “Tony had JARVIS working, downloading the files. Steve and I were setting the charges. A blue light started blinking. I pushed the button and we landed on the sidewalk out front.” He pointed to the sidewalk where he and his husband had landed. “Came inside to get coffee and interrogate the barista and found my Doppeltwink, who then proceeded to jump my husband and make insinuations about lace and anal plugs.” He winked at the twink version of himself and the kid grinned shamelessly.

“Not my fault that my Steve loves me in lace. He's a freaking pervert. I love it.”

“My Steve is too. Ain't you, honey?”

Steve blushed and shook his head like Bucky hadn't been railed by him in the kitchen while they'd been slathered in whipped cream and Nutella and Steve's drunk ass hadn't announced it to the whole tower. “Shut up, Jamie.”

Bucky pouted at his husband then took a sip of his coffee.

“What is a creeper boner,” Stark asked with a slightly disturbed look on his face. “It’s awesome is what it is!” Bucky grinned then pulled his cell phone out and set it on the table. A flick of his fingers brought up the holographic projection and he flicked through to his gallery and brought up the pictures he'd taken of the Steve Wall. “This. Someone has a boner for my husband.”

Everyone looked closely at the pictures and Bucky pulled the few physical copies he'd taken off the wall from his pocket and laid them out on the table.

“These are my favorites.”

Steve frowned and picked one up, looking over it closely. “This isn't me, Buck.”

“Sure it is.” Who freaking else would it be?

“No, he's right.” Natasha said as she picked up one of the photos. “This is our Steve.”

“Yeah, this is my fiance. I bought him this shirt,” Barista!Bucky said while pointing at one of the photos where Steve was wearing a skintight royal blue shirt that showed off his pecs and abs perfectly. Bucky decided right then and there that he was making his Doppeltwink take him shopping for his husband. The kid had good taste.

“Okay. So Hydra couldn't take over our world so they're trying for this one? Or they're going after your Steve.” Steve sighed and Bucky patted his shoulder, he knew Steve was tired of Hydra trying to fuck him over. There was no telling how much this world’s Steve had had to deal with them.

“Where is your Steve,” Bucky asked. “How long has he been gone? Do you know when these pictures were taken?”

“Tony would know where he is more than I would. Steve doesn't talk about work a lot. Not unless something happens.”

“Stark.”

“Already on it.”

“Dates, kid. Come on.”

“I don't know. Steve's been gone for a month. So before then. I can't give you exact dates. I'm not a soldier or a spy. I don't pay attention to that kind of stuff.”

“What is he doing that he's gone that long?" Bucky knew Steve. He would never stay gone that long without contact. It didn't matter what Steve it was. A Steve could live without his Bucky. Prosper, even, but a Steve who had met his Bucky hated being without them. Bucky could guarantee that his Doppeltwink's Steve was missing him like crazy and pouting about it. Wherever he was.

“He's on a secret mission for Fury.”

“SHIELD is still around,” Steve asked. He sounded like he was getting ready to wage a one man war against them. Just in case.

“Kind of,” Barton said.

“No. Just Fury and Maria Hill. Do you have her?”

“No, but if she's running with Fury she's a badass.” Bucky would definitely not fuck around with Maria Hill if he met her. Fury was fucking scary as shit. The five minutes Bucky had spent talking to him while he was adopting Coco and Tiffany had been the scariest of his life.

“FRIDAY, call Fury.”

Bucky looked to Stark. “Who the fuck is Friday?”

“My AI.”

“What happened to JARVIS? Did you even have him here?”

“Uh,” Tony blinked at him for a moment then sighed. “I accidentally created a murderbot named Ultron and he was making himself a body, but we stopped him and uh...stole the body with the intent of giving it to JARVIS, but shit happened and now we have Vision.”

“You killed J?”

“No! No, he's just...integrated into another being. He still sounds like JARVIS.”

“Wow.” Bucky pouted at his husband. He fucking loved Jarvis. Even if he was a snarky pain in the ass like his daddy. “Good thing our Tony hasn’t thought of that yet. Jeez.”

“Yeah, it was a mess.” Barton scrubbed his hands over his face then turned and went behind the counter and grabbed the carafe of almost Death Coffee and brought it to the table.

“That bad?” A Barton that admitted when something was a mess was a Barton that had seen some shit. Clint never admitted anything was a mess. Even if it was.

“Worse.”

Bucky winced and leaned closer to his husband who wrapped an arm around his waist and immediately started playing with the straps of his suit. Steve had a thing for them. Liked tugging at them with his fingers and yanking Bucky around by them. Sometimes, like now, he just traced the edges with his fingers. Bucky figured it was a soothing gesture or something like that.

Stark got off of the phone with Fury and sighed then sat his own phone on the table and flicked his fingers to open the holographic screen. “Steve’s gone dark, but his tracker pinged an hour ago in Amsterdam. He shut it off again right after.”

“Why would he be in Amsterdam?”

“He was at the airport. FRIDAY is going to find him and we’ll go get him. We should head to the tower.”

“I’m going,” Barista!Bucky said. “When you find him, I’m going too.”

“Not if there’s going to be a fight. Sorry kid, but if you get hurt, Steve will go batshit.”

“Hey, he didn’t say he was gonna fight. It fuckin’ kills me when Steve has to leave without me. I ain’t watching it happen to someone else. I’ll take care of him.”

Steve gave him a sappy smile and he winked at him with a grin to keep from doing something equally sappy. 

“You can’t. We don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s safer if he stays here,” Stark told him.

“And what if him staying here is what Hydra wants? I’ve seen what they do to people. Everyone knows that the fastest way to get Steve to go apeshit is to hurt me. Him. Us.”

“It’s true,” Steve said with a sharp nod.

“We don’t even know if you’re really who you say you are,” Clint said. “You act like our Steve and Bucky, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t Hydra or some other dickbags we haven’t come across yet.”

“Bitch, please. If they wanted to kill any of us they would’ve already done it.” Barista!Bucky glared at his Natasha, Clint, and Stark. “Besides, he’s got my attitude and the body to back it up. He’ll take care of me.”

Bucky turned to Steve with a wicked grin. “Can I show them? I should show them.”

“Show us what?”

“You’ve got a training room at the tower, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Is it Hulk proof?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Good. So, you guys go ahead and go. I’m assuming Barista!Bucky has a key to get in, so I’ll help him clean up and then we’ll go meet you in the training room. Okay? Okay.”

“Barista Bucky?”

“Obviously.”

“And that makes you who?”

“Seeing as I’m like eight years older than he is, I’m Original Recipe!Bucky.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, Buck. They’re already paranoid,” Steve told him, putting a stop to his planning. He wanted to show them all what he could do. This time he wouldn’t have to panic and run away and he could laugh at their shocked faces when he took them down super fast like he had with his Avengers. Bucky pouted at his husband because it usually worked and Steve shook his head. “No, sugar.”

He groaned dramatically then sighed. “Fine.”

“We’ll go to the tower and get ready. FRIDAY’s going to keep an eye out for you,” Stark said.

“On me, you mean.” Like Bucky was stupid enough to believe that Stark was only going to keep watch over them to keep them safe. Stark was going to be the Eye in the Sky and keep close tabs on him and Steve until they managed to find a way home. He might help though, if they could figure out how they’d gotten there to begin with.

“Eh.” Stark shrugged and Bucky frowned at him.

“Be nice, baby.” Steve kissed his cheek then stood with the rest of them.

“Be careful.”

“I will.” He started to walk away and Bucky grabbed his hand, tugging him back.

“I mean it, honey. They ain’t our guys.”

“I know, baby doll. I got this.”

“I love you.” Steve gave him a sappy smile then gave him a slow, sweet kiss.

“I love you too, Buck.”

He watched his husband walk away with a sigh, completely forgetting about Barista!Bucky until he let out a sigh of his own.

“That was kinda hot.”

“You got no idea, kid. Well, you probably do actually.”

“My Steve is hotter than your Steve.”

Barista!Bucky was so wrong. His Steve was hotter, but to keep from starting a fight he said, “they look like freaking twins.” 

“Oh, shit. Steve is super hot twins.”

“I read a fanfic like it once.” Bucky pulled out his phone and went to his files to find the fic he’d downloaded after bookmarking it. Just in case it might one day get deleted. “Send this to yourself and then we’ll clean up.”

“You read fanfic about you and Steve?”

“Yeah. Fanfic has very, very good ideas. Don’t tell me you haven’t read any.”

The kid blushed and Bucky grinned. “Uh huh. You ain’t blushing over lace lingerie and anal plugs, but you’re blushing over this. What did you read?”

“Um...there was one that was a threesome with me, Steve, and Thor.”

Bucky had been there. Well, obviously not a threesome with his husband and Thor, but reading fic about it. And then not telling Steve because Steve was jealous about Thor. Or had been at least. Until Bucky had talked to him and then rocked his world in the shower. Besides, Bucky had only wanted to bone Thor before he’d gotten together with Steve.

“I read one of those, too. Oh, God. Is your Steve irrationally jealous of Thor?”’

“No. Well...I don’t know actually. I haven’t actually met Thor yet. He’s been away dealing with some family stuff.”

“Oh. Loki’s a mess at home, too. Did they do the whole wormhole over Stark Tower thing here?”

“Yeah.”

“Harsh.”

Barista!Bucky nodded then moved to gather the dishes on the table. He grabbed the remaining few and followed. The sooner they got done the sooner he could get to his husband to protect him from this world's Avengers. There was no telling what this group of weirdos was doing to or with his husband. Not that Steve couldn’t handle himself, but Bucky was added muscle and he’d feel safer if he and his husband were together.


	2. Handwavy Bullshit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The epic conclusion!
> 
> Mostly it's only epic because it's a couple hundred words shy if 10k, but still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Putting it here because there's a more important note at the end.
> 
> Chapter 3 is not really part of this fic, but rather a deleted scene that I wrote early on and then couldn't find a place for. I won't say what it entails, except this:  
> Bucky x 2 and 😚😚😚😚 (that's the kissy face emoji if you can't see it.)

When they got to the tower he followed Barista!Bucky inside and straight to an elevator. The tower looked almost identical to the one he lived in with his husband. Save some potted plants that were different. He had kept one eye out for people he knew from home, just to see if they had doppelgangers of their own, but so far hadn’t seen any. Except maybe the security guard at the door. Bucky thought the lady worked in the cafeteria at home.

“Come on, Scary Beefy Me.”

Bucky snorted and stepped into the elevator with the kid, eyeing the lack of labels for the buttons. “How the shit do you get to your floor if there’s no labels?” The kid snorted out a quiet laugh then skimmed his fingers over the buttons that lit up with numbers.

“Each residential floor has a different code. Tony’s a pain in the ass.” He hit a series of seven digits and Bucky groaned.

“Jenny? Really?”

“Who the hell is Jenny?”

“867-5309. It’s a phone number from a song. Well, it was actually someone’s phone number at some point. It’s not important. It’s a song from the eighties.”

“Oh, I wasn’t born yet.”

Bucky sighed. “Twinkie Me, please don’t make me feel old. Besides, I was born in '87."

“I am not a twink.”

Bucky looked the barista version of himself over from head to toe. “You’re tiny.”

“You’re fuckin’ huge, dude. You make Vision look like a twink and he’s stacked. I’m a twunk if anything.” Bucky only blinked and nodded along when his Doppeltwink explained the difference between twink and twunk. Now he knew something new.

“Do I get to meet Vision?” He kind of didn’t want to because it would be super weird to hear JARVIS’ voice coming from someone else.

“If he’s here.”

The elevator doors opened and he saw an almost perfect duplicate of the common floor at home. Orgy sized couch included. His husband was sat on one end with Stark on one side and Banner on the other as they peppered him with questions. Something in him he didn’t realize was tense relaxed when he saw that Steve was fine but not completely because he also looked a little bit frazzled. Steve didn’t like being hovered over like that. Especially when Bruce and Tony were sciencing at him.

“Hey, back up a little bit.” He rushed over to them and picked Tony up to set him aside. “Stop it.”

“I don’t like being tossed around.” Tony shrugged away from him and straightened his clothes.

“I didn’t toss you around and he doesn’t like being treated like a lab rat.” Bucky straddled Steve’s lap and hugged him close, tucking Steve’s head under his chin and combing a hand through his hair.

“I’m okay, Jamie. I promise."

“This is fucked up.” Bucky blinked at Banner. He wasn’t sure he’d ever heard Bruce cuss before. 

“Sorry. Hi. Bucky Barnes.” He held his hand out and Bruce shook it quickly then turned him loose and Bucky began combing his hands through Steve’s hair again.

“Tony said you got the serum too, on your world.”

“Yeah. I don’t talk about it.” Well, not with strangers anyway. He’d talked about it with his husband and their friends and family and that was as far as the conversation had gone or would ever go.

“Did you find my fiance yet,” Barista!Bucky asked. Oh, yeah. Bucky had kind of forgotten about Twunky him’s fiance while comforting his own Steve. Oops.

“He was already on his way back. Sam’s already gone to pick him up from the airport.”

“You have Sam here?”

“Yeah. He’s really nice.” Barista!Bucky sat between Tony and Steve and patted Steve on the back. “He’ll like you.”

An hour later the elevator doors opened and Bucky did his best not to look like he’d just spent the last hour straddling his husband in front of relative strangers. It was non-sexual straddling though so it was probably okay. No one had complained anyway so nevermind. He clutched at Steve's hand on his hip for comfort, or something, when he saw who was in the elevator. Barista!Bucky’s Steve looked fucking identical to his own. Right down to the depression beard. How was he supposed to handle that much hotness in one room? He may have whimpered a little bit. Or maybe that was Barista!Bucky who was now flying across the room to throw himself in his Steve’s arms. His Steve lifted him up with his hands on his ass and Bucky watched them paw at each other for long moments before Sam finally smacked Barista!Bucky’s Steve on the back of the head.

“We have company, Steve. It’s bad enough you can’t keep your hands off each other when it’s just us. They don’t need to see it too.”

“Yeah, you’re going to give Barista!Bucky beard burn all over his face and then he won’t be able to go to work,” Bucky said with a grin that earned him a smack on the ass from his husband since he was still straddling him on the couch. Huh. He thought he'd moved. Apparently that just meant straightening up some. Man, Steve with a beard was really distracting. Any Steve with a beard he guessed. Were all Steves that hot? What if they were? What if every Steve in all the universes were equally as hot? Bucky could go around and collect a harem of Beardy Steves. Unless they were evil assholes.

Barista!Bucky was right, though. It was kind of hot to watch them making out.

Barista!Bucky finally got lowered back to his feet and Bucky watched Sam roll his eyes at the sappy display. His husband patted his hip and he stood then pulled Steve up with him so they could introduce themselves. It was only then that Sam seemed to realize exactly who their company was.

“Man, nah. Fuck this shit.” Sam turned like he was going to walk out of the room, but spun back around just as suddenly. “This isn’t fair! It was bad enough when there was one hot Captain America. Now there’s two. One of y’all is gonna have to shave off the depression beard. I can’t take it.” Bucky nodded along with Sam’s rant. He wasn’t sure he could take it either. Though probably for different reasons.

“I’ll shave,” Barista!Bucky’s Steve said. Bucky blinked. He even sounded just like his husband. So weird.

“But beard burn,” Barista!Bucky pouted.

“Babydoll, I can grow it back out. Besides you know how fast it grows and you like it better when it’s shorter anyway. How it feels on your ass when I’m eating you out. Remember last time? How hot you got for me? All I had to do was talk at you a little bit and rub my face all over your ass. Barely got my tongue inside you before you were shootin’ off.”

Bucky blushed, avoiding eye contact with his husband as Barista!Bucky’s Steve continued to whisper all manner of filth that they probably weren’t meant to hear. Wow. It wasn’t even that he and Steve hadn’t had a similar conversation. They just usually didn’t do it publically except when Steve was wasted.

“Baby, they can hear you. I think their hearing is better than yours even.”

“Oh. Shit. Sorry.”

Bucky was still blushing when Steve walked over to them with Sam and Barista!Bucky at his side. “Captain Steve Rogers, nice to meet you.” He held out his hand and Bucky was  _ still _ fucking blushing, dear God why couldn’t he stop blushing? as he shook it.

“James Barnes-Rogers. I go by Bucky, but you can call me Jamie. It’s nice to meet you too.” He felt a pinch on his side and turned to glare at his husband. “What?” Steve merely raised a brow and Bucky sighed. " _ Sergeant _ James Barnes.” It was little more than a grumble, but earned him a soothing pat over the spot Steve had pinched. “Honey, I get that you’re super proud of me for the whole special forces thing, but I ain’t gotta give everyone my rank when I meet them. Especially since I retired from the Army.” He turned back to Barista!Bucky’s Steve. “This is my husband. Also Captain Steve Rogers. Well, Rogers-Barnes. We like to confuse people. You can call him Cap.”

“He rescued his entire unit with a tiny pink and purple pocket knife and a titanium spork. And that was before he got the serum,” his husband bragged as he shook Other Steve’s hand. Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Ignore him. He’s weird.”

His husband smacked him on the ass and he yelped. “And he’s ridiculous.”

“You keep spanking me and we’re going to need a lot more privacy than what we’ve got right now.” His husband blushed, like he hadn’t said worse himself, and Bucky grinned and moved closer to him to whisper in his ear. “Is that something we need to talk about?”

“Later.” Steve stepped away from him and cleared his throat, blushing and looking away from everyone else in the room.

“So uh...hi Sam.”

Sam and both Buckies snorted.

“Okay, now that we’re all in the same room let’s figure out what the hell we’re going to do about all this," Stark said.

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from bad movies that ruin ten years of storylines and character arcs," Bucky said. "It's that anything can be explained by the use of the word quantum. Time travel, travelling between worlds, etcetera. So, I suggest the science nerds get together and throw that around a little bit and see what happens. Or you know, do some handwavy bullshit sciencey stuff that doesn't make sense to anyone, but sounds legit and like it could plausibly be real."

"Quantum physics probably wouldn't have anything to do it with it," his husband said if only to stir up Bruce and Tony.

"Quantum physics explains like...everything," he said, hoping to see if this world's Stark and Banner lost their shit over sciency stuff too. "Atoms and molecules and shit. Some sciencey dudes observed a molecule in a state of quantum superposition. I read an article in Popular Mechanics." He added with a shrug. "And they were just regular science dudes, not Stark and Banner level science dudes." 

"Kid does have a point," Tony said, rubbing at his goatee like a cheesy horror movie villain.

"A single molecule in superposition is not enough advancement to get them here. Something else had to have been done. They had help from something. Someone," Bruce said as Bucky watched with glee.

"Yeah, but pushing a blue glowing button isn't likely to have put an entire universe in superposition. Multiple universes."

"Technically. But, if it did, then it's only a matter of manipulating space-time with a very precise distortion of gravity waves." Bruce was starting to look a mixture of excited and concussed and Tony wasn't that far behind him, Bucky thought.

"Someone built a time travel machine, but that doesn't explain how they got here with it," Tony said from where he was now doing the handwavy shit that brought up the holographic screens.

"A TARDIS woulda been cooler." Bucky pouted at his husband as Banner and Stark kept jabbering at each other. He wrapped his arms around his husband tightly and moved to whisper in his ear.

"I know Thor took the tesseract home with him, but since the whole Ragnarok thing, do you think Loki might've gotten a hold of it? They could've helped with this shit since they did the stupid ray gun thingy."

"Fuck."

"Mirror universe," Bruce was saying now. "Parity symmetry. The same, but slightly different."

"That  _ would _ explain the mechanically enhanced super soldier."

Bucky couldn't help but grin then turned to the two nerds. "Um...since you guys did the whole wormhole over Stark Tower thing, the tesseract was involved right?"

"Yeah."

"So, let's say someone got hold of it. It's a space thing."

"That's space travel though. This is universe hopping."

Bucky made the mistake of asking what the difference was and had to sit through a twenty minute lecture that he didn't understand ninety percent of because he had only read the one article about quantum mechanics. He was still pretty sure it was the same thing.

"The Tony in fanfic always scans people and does all kinds of testing and stuff." Bucky said when they were done explaining the difference. "With the thingies down in the lab."

"The lab is now on the top floor because Pepper said I had to move it."

"Blow up the lab one too many times?"

"Yes. What exactly would I need to scan you for?"

"I dunno. But that's what happens. And then you and Bruce spend like a week in the lab doing science. And then me and my Steve get to go home. Sometimes the Steve in fics even draws the machine that transports them so Tony can see what it looked like."

"Can you draw it, Cap?"

"Uh...no. I was too busy watching Jamie plant explosives," his husband said with a concussed and/or love filled look. "He always looks so happy when he's blowing things up."

"Hell yeah, baby. It's romantic." Bucky gave him a quick kiss and yelped when he got yanked against his husband and kissed within an inch of his life. If it didn't sound too piratey he'd have said Steve plundered his mouth. Fuck it. Steve could be a pirate for a day. Oh, God. Now he needed to see Steve dressed like a pirate. Oh, fuck. That would be so hot. Hng. His inner Southern Belle sighed dreamily while fanning her face and sipping sweet iced tea. He whined and climbed up his husband, wrapping his legs around his hips. Pirate!Steve was so fucking hot. What with the beard and the hat and the coat. But then Bucky would have to be a pirate too and make all kinds of dumb pirate's booty jokes. Ugh. He'd totally let Steve plunder his booty.

"That is so hot," Barista!Bucky said with a sigh. 

Bucky's office mouse had apparently followed them, because he heard a strange high pitched squeak as he flung himself away from his husband and then ran back to hide behind him because there were too many people in the room for him to walk around with a boner. Why was this his life? He knew he was blushing, could feel the heat of it on his face, and groaned while shoving his face between Steve's massive shoulders.

Stark let out an annoyed sigh and Bucky peeked over Steve's shoulder to see Stark glaring at a spot on the floor.

"Look, I'm not trying to get your hopes up, but Bruce and I will poke around a few things. In the meantime why don't you two get settled in. Get some food, because I know you're starving. If Steve doesn't eat every hour or so he gets fucking cranky and I figure you guys do too. After that, FRIDAY will help you guys look for activity from Hydra or AIM or whoever the fuck got you here. Cap, you and Steve can compare notes, places you two know Hydra have set up before. See if any of them are the same." Tony shrugged. "Maybe it'll be as simple as checking old bases for new activity."

Bucky sure fucking hoped so.

"I'll put them on Steve's floor. We got an extra room," Barista!Bucky said. 

"Okay."

Tony and Bruce left, followed by Natasha and Clint who had been silently judging from what Bucky could tell, and then he and his husband were left alone with their doppelgangers and Sam.

"So fuckin' weird. You guys have a Sam there too?"

"Yeah."

"You put him through all kinds of bullshit too?"

"He's always bitching about our gay whiteboy shit, if that's what you're wondering."

"Yep. Poor Other Sam." He shook his head sadly then walked out of the room.

"Come on, we'll get you two settled in and get you something to eat." Barista!Bucky grabbed their hands and walked them to the elevator with his Steve following after them. When Bucky peeked over his shoulder he caught Barista!Bucky's Steve eyeballing his ass and raised a brow. His husband's doppelganger blushed and looked away while he smirked. Yeah, he'd be looking at the ass of his partner's doppelganger too. Had plans for that at some point. He needed to see if every Steve had the same tiny bubble butt. The ridiculous shoulder to hip ratio of a pizza slice held true, so maybe the perfect ass thing did too. He needed to know. For science. He needed a clipboard and a pen and paper first though. It wasn't science unless you took notes. He needed to make observations about...curvature and stuff, he figured. So it would be legitimate science and not just himself being a pervert. He smiled to himself and leaned against his husband. Steve immediately dropped his hand and slung an arm across his waist, holding him close. God he loved this man. So fucking much.

Barista!Bucky stopped at a door and put his thumb to a scanner and Bucky smiled when it slid open like the doors on Star Trek. That was neat. He led them inside a simply designed apartment that had white walls with cream colored carpet and furniture that was offset with jewel toned throw pillows, rugs, and paintings that he immediately knew this world's Steve had painted. Above the fireplace was a portrait of Barista!Bucky sitting curled up in a chair looking coyly out of the corner of his eyes and wearing nothing more than what Bucky figured was one of Barista!Bucky's fiance's shirts. Damn. His husband had never painted him like that. Maybe he should get him to paint him when they got home.

"Bedroom's through here." Barista!Bucky led them down a hallway and opened a door, showing them inside a bedroom with an en suite, a huge walk-in closet that was empty, and a king size bed with mounds of pillows. 

"We'll get you some clothes if you guys want to shower. They'll probably be Steve's 'cause uh...don't think you can wear mine, Jamie."

"Yeah. No." He grinned at his Doppeltwink. "Thank you."

Other Steve left the room and came back moments later carrying two sets of clothes. 

"We'll see you two in a little bit. Come back down to the common floor when you're ready. We'll get something to eat. Stevie gets cranky when he's hungry." Barista!Bucky patted his Steve's stomach then dragged him out of the room.

As soon as he was sure they were gone.

Bucky flopped onto the bed and groaned, scrubbing his hands over his face.

"I'm sorry, honey. I never shoulda pushed the button. I knew better than that."

"I know, babydoll," Steve said as he sat next to him. He pulled Bucky into a tight hug and combed his fingers through the part of his hair not up in a bun. "They'll figure it out. Either our guys or theirs. You know our Tony and Bruce are already working on it. Probably Thor, too. He's smarter than anyone gives him credit for."

"Yeah, but what if we never get home? What if we're stuck here? What if that's why there wasn't anyone in the base? What do we do if we can’t go home? My sister’s there. She won’t know what’s going on. She’s going to kill me! You know she didn't want me fighting to begin with and this will just be another nail in the coffin," he cried. "I don't wanna be stuck here! I want to go home."

"We're going to get home, Buck! I promise. No matter how long it takes. No matter what we gotta do. We're getting home."

Bucky wanted to believe him so very badly. Steve hadn't steered him wrong more than a handful of times when it really counted so maybe he wouldn't this time either.

"Let's go take a shower, sugar."

He nodded and let Steve drag him to the en suite.

"Oh, my God. This is not going to work!" Bucky pulled at the denim covering his thighs, hoping to stretch the fabric. "So tight. Jesus. Y'all got skinny fucking bird legs! These are cutting off the circulation to my thighs and my dick. Fuck. Ow. Stupid jeans!"

"Babydoll, I have never once heard you complaining about your thighs before."

"You like me thick. Not usually anything to complain about. And I ain't complaining about my thighs, I'm mourning the fact that if these jeans don't stretch out any I won't have any legs left at all. Or a dick! And it'll be your fault!"

"Mine?"

"Yeah, because only Steve freaking Rogers would be built like a pizza slice in two different universes."

"Jesus, baby. Just lay down on the bed a minute. I'll be right back." Bucky frowned after his husband as he left the room, then fell backward onto the bed, sprawled out as much as he could in the unforgiving denim. Who even got jeans that weren't stretchy anymore? Did this world's Steve not know about the wonders of ten percent spandex in a pair of jeans?

His husband came back moments later carrying a spray bottle and fiddled with it for a minute. "Be still." Steve spritzed the whole front of his jeans with water, making him feel gross being covered in wet denim and also made him look like he might've had ti many martoonies and wet himself.

"Why?"

"It'll help the denim stretch a little and it'll mold to fit you. Natasha taught me."

"Why was Natasha putting you in skin tight jeans?"

"Um...she was trying to get me a date. Before I told them I'm gay."

"Oh."

"Anyway, get up and move around a little. It'll stretch."

Bucky pouted, held his hands out so Steve would help him up and grimaced when the denim pinched his balls when Steve lifted him up. "Ow."

He tugged at the denim again and felt it stretch a little bit then walked around the room, it didn't help a whole lot in the end, but it was better than before.

When they finally made it to the common floor Barista!Bucky and his Steve were sat on the couch in front of the coffee table that was covered in take out boxes from various places. He hoped some of it was the soup with the weird crunchy things he liked so much.

"Hey! Oh, wow. You're uh…" Twunky him trailed off with a wince. "You're a bit thicker than I thought."

"Yep."

"Stevie, baby go get him a pair of your sweats. Those super baggy ones."

Bucky shook his head. "I already fought my way into these, I'd rather not have to fight my way back out right now. Thanks though."

"Sure. Here." His Doppeltwink handed him a styrofoam container and he popped the lid off to see the soup.

"Oh, my God. I love this soup so much."

"Right! The weird little crunchy things."

"Yes!" Bucky took a drink and moaned. "So good." His husband cleared his throat and he looked over to see him blushing a bit. "Really, baby?"

"Not my fault you sound like you're trying to star in a porno."

"Hush up and eat." Bucky handed him a container and a pair of chopsticks. "Dweeb."

"Nerd."

They ate and talked with their doppelgangers until most of the cartons were emptied and then somehow during clean up Bucky was left to himself while Twunky him and the Steves were talking. He was trying not to eavesdrop, well. It wasn't his fault his hearing was so good.

Barista!Bucky eventually peeled away from the Steves and walked over to Bucky, swaying his hips way more than necessary and Bucky frowned, eyes flicking from Twunky Him to Non-bearded Steve and then back. Oh.  _ Oh.  _ Non-bearded Steve was an ass guy. He got that. Steve was too, but not nearly as much as Non-bearded Steve, apparently.

“Dude, you keep doing that and I’m afraid your fiance is going to throw you over his shoulder all caveman style and drag you off to his cave.”

Doppeltwink laughed and flopped down next to him on the couch. “Can I ask about your Steve?”

“Sure.”

“Is he like…” He giggled and swept two fingers from his inner elbow to his wrist with an eyebrow waggle. Bucky busted up laughing and nodded.

“Mmm. Oh, yeah.”

“It’s fucking awesome right? Like...the best dick ever.”

“God, I know! So fucking good.”

“And he was so damn shy at first and so fucking oblivious! Six months I waited for him and he never caught on. I finally had to flash my lace panties and nipple piercings at him and ask if he wanted to see the rest of my panties sometime before he caught on that I actually wanted to date him. How’d you and your Steve get together? Was he shy? Did you have to flash the goods?”

Bucky wished. “Uh...no. I was the shy, oblivious one. Worked with him for months, lived with him for a couple more during a mission where we had to pretend to be married. We loved each other for a long time before we got together.”

“How long have you two been married?”

“Depends on which wedding you count. The fake one, the one when we got drunk in Vegas and got married, or when we got back together after breaking up for nine days. But basically we’ve been married for almost three years.”

“Wow. You have three anniversaries.”

“Yeah. Never seem to actually get to have one where some dickwad doesn’t interrupt, but we still celebrate when we can.”

“Wow. That kinda sucks.”

“Yeah, but we’re together so that’s what really matters.”

“True. Does your Steve do that thing with his tongue when he’s kissing you?”

“That flicky thing that shouldn’t be hot, but really, really is?”

“Yes! Exactly. What’s up with that?”

“No clue. Does yours do that thing when he’s eating you out?”

“When he nibbles on you a bit and then basically shoves his whole face up in there?”

“Yeah! Jesus, he’s good with his tongue. Like seriously.”

“Mmhmm.” They both sighed as they looked over to their men then giggled and turned back to each other with more giggles at the looks the Steves gave them.

"You and me should go lingerie shopping! We'll get you something and get Steve that little white lacy number you were talking about."

"Oh, um...I don't know. I was mostly just fucking with him because he gets embarrassed when I call his pecs tits."

"Trust me, Scary Beefy Me, lace panties will change your life."

Bucky wasn't too sure about that but left with him anyway in search of lace panties that he would probably never wear.

Twunky Him dragged him into a sex shop with mannequins of all shapes, sizes, and genders in the windows wearing an assortment of leather, lace, and latex, and took him straight to the back where all sorts of lingerie was hanging on racks.

"Your hubby first. What size do you think he is? He's a little more busty than my fiance."

"I dunno." Bucky shrugged then held his hands up like he was cupping Steve's pecs and his Doppeltwunk held up a white lacy bra that was mostly sheer to his hands. It was pretty and he imagined it would look nice on Steve if he could ever get him to wear it. Barista!Bucky shook his head, hung it up, and then grabbed another one in a slightly larger size. This one practically molded itself to Bucky's hands and Twunky Him nodded to himself and slung it over his arm then started pilfering through the matching panties. 

"Waist measurement?"

Bucky held his hands like he was gripping his husband's hips and watched with bemusement as Twunky Him giggled.

"I don't know if it's cute or creepy that you can do that."

"Let's call it cute." He grinned at the ensuing laughter and the panties that were held up to his hands. They had lace at the hips, but were sheer on the crotch and ass. "What's the little buttcrack looking line down the back?"

"It's ruching. It'll look good, trust me. These bad boys are gonna mold to his ass."

"Uh huh. Does your fiance wear these for you?"

"Um...no. I mean, I bought the pervert a pair just for shits and giggles and he wore them for like four minutes before they uh...make sure you take these off of him before he gets all the way hard, okay? I'm not saying his dick is gonna tear through the fabric, but yeah."

"Ah." Bucky kind of wanted to see that.

"Yeah. Okay. There's that. Now we gotta get you a few pairs. And after you pick some you think the both of you will like, make sure you get extra. My fiance is a pervert and I've had to order multiple pairs of the same ones because he always steals them. Not so much anymore because we live together, but I'm always finding my panties in his jeans pockets when it's my turn to do laundry."

"That's gross."

"Oh, honey. No, it's really not." Barista!Bucky patted his shoulder sympathetically then motioned for him to look at the panty selection.

"I don't even know what to get."

"My advice? Get a couple pairs that match your eyes. And maybe some pink ones. Just a thought. But you probably shouldn't trust his teeth anywhere near any of them if you have a favorite pair." Twunky him sighed heavily and rolled his eyes at Bucky's questioning look. "He always buys me more, but I can't tell you how many times he's torn them off of me with his teeth."

Bucky raised his brows. Wow. That was kind of hot actually. He reached over and grabbed an extra pair of the white panties for his husband. "Just in case."

Twunky him laughed and he shrugged with a sheepish smile. Who knew how he would react to Steve wearing them?

They were on their way back to the tower with their shipping bags of illicit goods, Bucky had grabbed a couple plugs and a vibrating cock ring that looked fun, when Barista!Bucky's phone rang. He pulled it from the pocket of his ridiculously tight skinny jeans and Bucky grinned to himself when he heard his Doppeltwunk's fiance being sappy. Fucking adorable. Were he and his husband that squishy and gross? Couldn't be. People would never stop teasing them.

"Love you too, baby." He hung up and forced his phone back into his pocket.

"So squishy," Bucky teased, knocking their arms together. Barista!Bucky huffed.

"Please. Like you and your husband aren't? You're never not touching each other in some way or another. You got the goo goo eyes, my friend."

"I would never!" Bucky feigned clutching his imaginary pearls. "Me and Steve are not that sappy."

"Bitch, don't even. You're me and I'm you and maybe we have different circumstances, but we are definitely squishy over Steve Rogers."

"Yeah, I know." Bucky pretended to sulk about it for all of three seconds before he grinned and bumped into his Doppeltwunk again, immediately having to catch him after flinging him off the sidewalk. "Sorry! Oh, my God. You're so tiny. Jesus. I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine you big nerd! Jeez. And I'm not tiny. I'm five nine, dude." He straightened his clothes with a huff.

"Sorry. I know. It's just…" Bucky waved a hand over himself and then over his shorter counterpart. "I haven't been that height since high school."

"How tall are you anyway?"

"Six two."

"You sure you're not taller than that?"

"Yes. I highly doubt I've kept growing."

"You never know."

They parted ways when they got back to the tower, Bucky taking his contraband to his and Steve's temporary bedroom, and straight into the en suite, locking the door to keep his nosy husband out while he tried on a pair of his new lace panties. And maybe he had bought some lube too and planned on trying out one of his new plugs.

He'd just finished putting the plug in, a nice weighted one that had a blue sparkly stone in the base, and was in the process of pulling up blue lace that matched, enjoying the way the soft lace dragged over his skin, when he heard an alarm blaring. 

Well, fuck.

He yanked them up the rest of the way careful not to tear them, and pulled his jeans back on with a wince. Super tight jeans were not meant for boners.

"We gotta go, Sugar!"

"I'm comin'. Jeez. Hold your horses." He'd been having a moment, damn it!

He stepped out of the bathroom and probably his face was flushed from opening himself up and the plug and the lace, but whatever. Steve would find out why soon enough. He had probably already smelled the lube Bucky had used in the bathroom. That at the precome that he was certain was soaking into the lace of his new panties.

"You been in there jerkin' off, babydoll?"

"No!" He'd be jerking off in front of Steve if he had been anyways. Steve grinned lasciviously then took his hand and dragged him out of their bedroom.

"I'm not blaming you two showing up for this," Stark said, as they walked into the common room, "but I'm blaming you two."

Bucky huffed out a quiet laugh. "What's up?"

"Picked up some weird energy readings at an otherwise inactive base."

"Oh. Yeah, don't push any buttons," he said with a wince. "Like no buttons at all."

"Yeah, we got that." Stark said. "You coming with?"

"Oh. I uh...is it safe to leave them here," he asked pointing to Barista!Bucky and Pepper, who were sat together on the couch.

"We have a panic room, Jamie. Me and Pep will go if something happens. We stay close to it. We're the only ones that can get in or out of it."

"If you're sure?"

"I'm sure. Go kick some ass Scary Beefy Me."

"Okay, I'm in. Baby?"

"Sure. Sounds fun."

Yeah, loads of fun. Bucky fucking hated fighting with a plug in, but damn it, he didn't want to take it out and waste all the time and effort it took getting the thing inside him.

An hour later they were leaving the quinjet to raid the base. Both Steve's had hashed out a plan that was twice as effective and twice as reckless as his husband's usual. Bucky and Clint would handle the goons outside while the Steves, Natasha, Sam, Bruce, and Tony handled whoever remained inside. After getting the all clear Clint and Bucky would head inside and take care of any stragglers, if there were any, while Tony and FRIDAY checked their computers for intel. The Steves had come up with a game, not matter how they denied it, where they would be two places at once to fuck with people and the both show up together. Bucky made them promise they'd only do it to the last couple of people because they would all see them separately anyways. Dweebs; the both of them.

He and Clint made their way to the treeline then separated. Bucky would prowl around two sides of the building while Clint covered the other two. After that, they only had to wait to be called in. Bucky hated it. He wanted to be where he could keep an eye on his husband. He knew he could take care of himself, and he usually did most of the time now, but still. They didn't really know these people. They might be the same people as their team back home, but that didn't mean they were as good or that they worked together.

"Sugar, you keep grumbling and someone's gonna find you."

"I'm not grumbling," he replied, definitely not grumbling.

"Yeah, you are."

"Shut your face." He totally grumbled this time.

"Love you too, babydoll."

"Love you. Go to work Mr. Barnes."

"And I thought we agreed you wouldn't call me that outside the bedroom."

Bucky immediately blushed even though no one could see him. "Steven Grant Rogers-Barnes!" He heard his stupud husband giggling like a madman and groaned. Asshole.

"Do you two always talk this much on comms," Natasha asked.

"Uh...yeah."

"Makes me glad our Bucky doesn't fight with us," Clint added.

"Rude!" That was Barista!Bucky's Steve.

"Quiet! We're going in."

Twenty long minutes later Bucky spotted Steve flying through an upper window, without his shield, as flames and debris blasted out after him as an explosion rocked the building.

He cussed when Steve landed on his arm and couldn't help but wince as he heard it break. "Steve!" He knew he'd be fine, but damn it! One or the both of them were almost always in a temporary cast. He ran to his husband, already bitching him out for losing the shield and dragged him up.

"What the fuck happened?" He was too busy dragging him away from the crumbling building to pay attention to the man he was dragging behind him. A large hand, covered in suit and dirt, came up and grabbed his hair, tugging on it gently to get him to stop.

"Wrong Steve, Jamie."

"What?" He turned his head slowly and groaned when he saw Barista!Bucky's Steve. "Oh. Sorry. But still!"

"Yeah, I'd just thrown it when I heard the explosion, didn't have time to stay and catch it." Fingers were twisting a lock of his hair as he spoke and Bucky didn't at all sigh all wistful like. It was like an automatic reaction to Steve, any Steve apparently, playing with his hair.

"Oh." He jerked away, inadvertently pulling his hair, at the sound of someone clearing their throat.

"Is there something we need to talk about?"

"No! No. I just...I...he...the explosion," he said pitifully. "I'm used to you being the Steve flying out of windows and shit, baby."

"Uh huh." His husband said it like he thought Bucky was lying, but he knew his husband was just trying to get a rise out of him.

"You're a jerk. What'd you find before you all got blown up?"

"Same setup here as at home. Stark got to look at it before the place blew though, so he should be able to figure it out." His husband took his hand and dragged him away from everyone else to hide them behind the tree line then yanked him into a rough kiss even as he pressed him backward against a tree. Bucky flailed but finally managed to get hold of the shoulder straps of the harness for Steve's shield. 

"Can't tell you how fucking jealous I got seeing you fuss over him."

"Again?"

"Different this time. He's me," Steve said when they finally came up for air.

"He is not you, Steve." Steve only shrugged then started pawing at his suit, bitching about all the straps and buckles. Bucky flailed, slapping at his hands. "Not here." Here was a very dangerous place and they were not alone. Not by a long shot. But then Steve did that thing with his tongue while they were kissing and Bucky decided he could protest being fucked against a tree later, when Steve would be pulling splinters out of his ass with a pair of tweezers.

Only Steve spun him around, practically shoved him up against the tree and then managed to get his pants yanked down with minimal tearing while gnawing on his neck and sucking bruises on his skin that wouldn't last. He whined when Steve's hands stopped stroking his thighs, shook his ass at his husband, and then remembered that Steve was seeing him in lace for the first time. Oh.  _ Oh God. _ He looked over his shoulder and saw his husband's eyes glued to the delicate royal blue lace covering his ass. He looked torn between shock and arousal, eyes blown black and color high on his cheeks. When he groaned Bucky was half afraid he didn't like it, but then Steve dropped to his knees, gripped his hips and yanked his ass to his face while Bucky held onto the tree for dear life. Oh. That was...that felt really good. The prickle of Steve's beard rubbing over his skin through the silky lace had him shuddering and when Steve's hands slid down from his hips to cup his ass and then spread him open he moaned at the sharp intake of breath and the tongue flicking over the base of the plug through the lace. He had a hysterical moment to think that Barista!Bucky was right about buying extras of his favorites when Steve snagged the lace with a canine and ripped a hole in the lace with a growl.

"Honey, we ain't got time to mess around. They'll start looking for us." Steve groaned, licked over the plug once more, and then yanked it out with his teeth. Bucky bit back a cry at the abrupt emptiness and then seconds later was holding back a different kind of cry when his husband cupped his cock through the lace and pushed into him hard enough to knock him into the tree if he hadn't braced himself.

It was hard and fast and dirty, enough to bring him to his metaphorical knees, and he couldn't hold back his gasps and moans and whimpers when Steve bit down on his shoulder, hard enough to bruise even though the leather as he nailed his prostate and tore through the lace covering his leaking cock to stroke him in a maddening counterpoint to the thrusts that Bucky was sure were bruising his ass.

His arms and legs shook with the effort of holding himself up and finally gave out all together, leaving Steve to brace him against the tree, fucking harder and harder against his prostate until he damn near blacked out when he came.

He blinked his eyes trying to clear the balcn spots and realized Steve's hand was covering over his mouth and filling his ear with all kinds of filth, whispered and growled, as Steve came inside him.

They were both panting, sweat slicked and sticky when they finally separated. Steve had cleaned up the plug with his stash of wet wipes from a pouch on his belt and Bucky whined when it was put back in its proper place and Steve quieted him with a whisper soft kiss and pat on the ass, then helped him pull his slightly torn pants back up. Bucky watched Steve pull up his own pants and then took his hand to head back to the Other Avengers. Or that was the plan anyway. He took one step and promptly started listing to one side and yelped when Steve caught him and lifted him up into his arms with a laugh.

"Was it that good, sugar?"

"You know it was, shut your face."

Bucky heard an odd noise as Steve carried him back toward the clearing. Like the sound of clapping, and his office mouse squeaked and fainted when he heard Other Steve over the comms that he and his husband had apparently forgotten to turn off.

"He saw the lace huh?"

"Did all of you perverts listen in?"

"Well, not purposely. We shut our comms off, but you're a screamer like my Bucky. And you babble. So I heard a lot of it anyway. I tried not to listen, but well…" 

Yeah, Bucky knew. Still though, he would never live this down. They reached the clearing where the quinjet was and he blushed even worse than he already was when the entirety of the Other Avengers slow clapped. Bucky scrambled down from his husband's arms, almost fell over on his head, glared at everyone, especially at Sam and Other Steve when they high-fived, and then stomped his way onto the quinjet. Assholes.

"Can we go now!" His husband followed him inside the jet and sat next to him.

"You poutin', sugar?"

"No," he said as he definitely did not pout at Steve. He laid down with his head on Steve's thigh and reached up to smooth his beard. "You got a little uh...situation going on." There may or may not have been lube and maybe a smear of come in his beard. "Did you lick your hand clean and I missed it?"

"Maybe."

"Damn it," Bucky said, definitely pouting this time. "Get a wet wipe and clean it up before someone notices."

"Oh, we already noticed. We just weren't going to say anything," Natasha said and Bucky flailed right off the seat and his husband's lap to land on his perfect fucking face in the floor.

"What was that squeaking sound? Is there a mouse in here," Sam asked. "Tony we got mice in the jet!"

Bucky's office mouse probably had millions of interdimensional babies all over the place by now.

"I think that was Jamie," Other Steve said as he nudged him gently with the toe of his boot. "So easy to rile up."

His husband growled, lifted him from the floor, settled him on his lap, and hugged him close.

"Oh, my God." Bucky really loved his husband, but the guy was such a dork. "Can we go now?"

"Luckily I managed to get the files before it blew and FRIDAY said there's no one left alive. So, yeah. We can go," Stark said as he walked toward the cockpit.

As soon as they got back to the tower, Bucky dragged his husband back to their room and into the en suite so they could shower. Steve was filthy from the fight and Bucky was pretty sure he had tree bark in his pants. He stripped down, slapping at his husbands hands when he tried to help, because he knew they'd wind up fucking again if Steve tried to take his panties off of him. As it was, Steve whimpered when he pushed down the ruined lace and twitched toward the trash bin when he tossed them in it.

"I bought more, honey. You ain't saving those." Steve pouted at him and he shook his head. "No." He stepped into the shower, sighing heavily as he turned on the water and adjusted the spray. "Come on, baby."

Steve finally climbed in after him and gave him a gentle kiss then reached for the body wash and loofah.

"You gonna take the plug out, sweetheart?"

"Not right now. I wanna take a nap after we get out."

"Holy shit! My eyes!"

Bucky yelped, his inner Southern Belle swooned right onto her fainting couch, no time to call for sweet tea and whiskey, and he hid behind his husband.

"I'm blind!"

He reached around Steve and tried to hide his dick from his baby sister even though she had her eyes covered with both hands.

"Um…" 

At least he wasn't the only one lacking eloquence right now, he thought as Steve stuttered.

"What?" 

That's what Bucky would like to know. What the fuck was up with the glowy circle and how the hell had Becca managed to get there with it?

"The wizard found you." Thor stepped out of the glowy circle right behind Becca. Sweet baby Jesus, what the fuck?

"Okay. Awesome, could you like…get out? We need to shower and I don't want y'all watching us."

"No fucking," Becca said, hands still iver her eyes. "We're on a strict timeline."

"How long?"

"Ten minutes. Doctor Oddball gave us the time limit."

"Strange," Steve said with a long suffering sigh. He was used to Becca and Bucky calling the wizard anything but his real name.

"Yeah, him."

"Jamie? Cap? You okay? FRIDAY said there's some weird shit going on in the bathroom!" The door swung open and Other Steve and Barista!Bucky rushed in, crashing into Becca and Thor and Bucky growled.

"Okay, that is it! Everyone out! Right now!"

"Ma? Oh, my God."

"My sister," Bucky told his Doppeltwunk. "Rebecca, this is Twunky Me. Get out, go talk."

Everyone left the bathroom after some awkward introductions and Bucky sighed in relief, finally dropping his hands from his husband's junk, and keeping an eye on the glowy circle that he could see his and Steve's apartment through. Dr. Strange was standing to one side, thankfully with his eyes closed. 

"Might as well get out. We can shower at home, baby."

"Yeah."

After they dressed they walked into their temporary room and found everyone crowded inside the room that hadn't seemed all that small until now. Becca was sitting with Barista!Bucky, holding him in a tight hug as he cried. Other Steve was hovering awkwardly, looking torn between wanting him to have this moment and wanting to pull him from Becca's arms and hold him himself.

Natasha, Sam, Stark, Bruce, and Clint were talking to Thor.

"Guess you don't have to figure out a way to get us home after all."

"Guess not."

"Thanks though. You guys didn't have to put us up."

"Don't worry about it." Stark patted his shoulder awkwardly and he laughed then pulled him into a hug that he struggled against.

"Asshole."

"Yup."

He moved back to the bed and grabbed Other Steve's arm then sat beside Barista!Bucky. "You gonna be okay, kid?"

"Yeah. Jesus. I'm sorry. She just looks so much like Ma. It's been so long since…" he trailed off, shaking his head and Bucky pulled him into a tight hug. 

"I know. She reminds me of her every day."

"You lost them too."

"Yeah. When we were kids."

"Thank you. I know it's fucked up, but thank you for giving me this."

"I'm glad I could. Even for a little bit."

"We have to go," Thor said softly. "We're almost out of time."

Bucky nodded and kissed Twunky him's forehead then turned him loose. "You'll be alright."

"Yeah. You too, huh?"

"Me too. See ya around, kid."

"No offense, but I hope not."

"Right." Bucky grinned then leaned over to whisper in his ear, he knew the Steves would hear, but didn't particularly care. "You were right about the panties."

Barista!Bucky snorted then flat out giggled. "Told you. Wait. When did you even have time to show him?"

"Ask your Stevie. Bye Twunky Me."

"Bye, Scary Beefy Me."

He stood then turned and gave Other Steve a quick hug. "Take care of him."

"Always."

He took his sister's hand and pulled her up from the bed then grabbed his husband and nodded at Thor. 

"Let's go home."

He expected more of the screaming, falling, what the everloving fuck shit that had happened before, but instead it was like stepping from one room to another. Easy as could be. Nothing gag-inducing here folks!

He did have to reach back through to grab his bag of illicit goods though. He didn't want to have to go shopping by himself, because this was definitely something none of the others could find out about. Like his DVD copies of the science shows and documentaries about Steve that he'd had hidden in his old apartment. That he had hidden in their closet now. Steve knew about them, of course he did, but no one else did and that was how it was going to stay. Just like the panties were going to stay a heavily guarded secret. But not like the secret Steve didn't know Bucky knew. The secret Steve was carrying in his pocket. The filthy, torn, royal blue lace secret. Like Bucky didn't know his dorky husband wouldn't get them out of the trash. He just hoped Steve was planning on washing them at some point because he knew they were filthy.

"Thanks for getting us home," Steve told them while Becca dragged Bucky to the couch.

"I was going to yell at you for being stupid, but I can't even do that," she cried at him as he pulled her into a hug. "He was so sad."

"I think he was more overwhelmed than anything, Becks. You do look so much like Ma." She shrugged but he knew she'd take it as a compliment. 

"You're still stupid," she grumbled.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I was so scared we'd never get you home."

"I know."

"Argh!" She punched his arm, but being right handed bashed her knuckles against his metal arm and started whining. "Ow."

He held back a laugh that would get him in trouble and hugged her until she stopped crying.

When everyone had gone, after giving him hugs and calling him stupid, he sighed and walked to the bedroom to strip out of his suit. He didn't want to see the damn thing for a good long while. Avenging could suck it. He wanted to stay in the apartment with his husband for the foreseeable future. If he didn't go out on missions he couldn't do anything else stupid. Well, nothing stupid enough to get sent to another world at least.

"I want to go back to the office, honey."

"What?"

"I said-"

"No, I mean, I heard what you said, but what?"

"I'm tired. I'll help if you need it, but I want my office back."

"Don't make any decisions without thinking about it, Buck. You know you get a little crazy when you're exhausted and we've gone pretty much three days with no sleep right now, plus me being shrunk before that. Promise me you'll think about it, yeah? After we sleep."

"Okay, I promise." He'd promise, but he was still pretty sure he wanted his office back. At least part time. Or maybe they could just go on vacation. Go see the Grand Canyon or something. Steve had always wanted to go. He'd figure something out later. For now though, he wanted a shower and their bed. For at least a week.

Three days into their self imposed isolation Bucky had dragged out the bra and panty set he had bought his husband and shoved it at him then pushed him into the bathroom. He really, really wanted to see him in it.

Steve stayed in there far longer than Bucky thought he should have before he finally walked out. Bucky's jaw dropped, his cock got hard faster than ever before, and he nearly passed out. Thank you Barista!Bucky. Jesus fucking Christ. Steve was blushing from his hair down to his belly button as the white lace and sheer mesh cupped his tits perfectly. And Barista!Bucky was right because Steve was hard as a fucking rock, leaking into the sheer fabric of the panties and stretching it far more than Bucky thought was safe. Bucky moaned, licked his lip, then spun his finger to get Steve to turn around. He damn near melted off of the bed when he trailed his eyes down Steve's back to his tiny perfect bubble butt where the sheer fabric clinged obscenely. Hng.

"Fuck me." He started stripping down, careful of his aching cock, and bit his bottom lip. "Leave it on," he groaned when Steve started to take the bra and panties off.

"Yeah?"

"Mmm. You look fucking gorgeous."

Steve whimpered, his cock twitched, and the delicate fabric tore right down the front. "Oh, my God," he whispered in awe and Steve tackled him to the bed.

Steve flopped down beside him, both of them sweat slicked and panting for breath. Steve's bra hadn't lasted long after Bucky had gotten ahold of him and the poor battered thing was up around his neck. Bucky might've bitten through the cups to get to his husband's nipples. And tore one of the straps. And broken an underwire, but whatever. It was fiiine. He'd buy Steve another set. Multiple other sets. Whatever he wanted.

"What else did you buy?"

Bucky snorted out an exhausted laugh and pulled the rest of the panties out from under his pillow. And the vibrating cock ring. And the other new plug. He dropped his pile of loot on Steve's heaving chest then collapsed against the bed and closed his eyes.

"Mary, Mother of God." Steve's voice was quiet, but sounded very lusty, and Bucky peeked an eye open to see him holding up a pair of panties Bucky was sure he didn't buy. He opened his other eye and bit his bottom lip. Steve was holding up a pair of rainbow lace panties with a heart cut out of the ass. At the top of the heart was a tiny ribbon bow and a very sparkly aurora borealis rhinestone.

"Oh."

"Put these on."

"Now?"

"Please?"

"Baby, I got come leaking out my ass. They're just gonna get dirty." Steve pushed the rest of his illicit goods off to the side then rolled over on top of him. He spread his legs automatically, cradling his husband's hips, and moaned into the second filthiest kiss he'd ever gotten from Steve.

"That's the idea, sugar."

Bucky whimpered then nodded. "Yeah, okay."

Maybe he hadn't gotten his office/Avenging thing figured out. And maybe he and Steve hadn't actually planned their vacation yet. And maybe Becca was plotting to kill him in his sleep after watching a CSI and Forensic Files marathon because he'd been stupid. And he still got twigs or knives or whatever in his eyes over Eleven and Ianto. And he maybe even still read his not terrible supernatural romance novels. But it was fine. He and Steve were exactly where they were supposed to be and had all the time in the world to do whatever they wanted. Even if, for now at least, it meant never leaving the bed again.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If that felt like an ending that's because it is. 
> 
> I am immensely grateful to everyone who took the time to kudos and comment, to bookmark and reccomend. Every day I am amazed at the amount of people who read and enjoyed this series. What I orginally intended to be a 10k one-shot ballooned into something extraordinary because of the readers. You gave me a chance and stuck with my dorkiness these past few years and I will never in a million years be able to express my love and gratitude. Thank you for being on this journey with me. I know not everyone will agree with everything that's happened in this particular fic of the series, but that's okay. 
> 
> It's time to say goodbye to my favorite boys. I've written these nerds since 2017 and it is terribly hard to say goodbye, but it's time to let them go.
> 
> Thank you. 💖💖💖


	3. The Cutting Room Floor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A deleted scene with Bucky x 2.

“Is it cheating if we kiss on each other a little,” Doppeltwunk asked thoughtfully as he tapped a finger against his chin. “I mean...I’m you, sorta. And you’re me, sorta. So is it cheating on our Steves if we make out?”

“I dunno,” Bucky said with a wheeze. He hadn’t been thinking about making out with his twunkified counterpart, but well...now that it was out there he wanted to see what all the fuss in fanfic was about. He’d always imagined two Steves and one Bucky, but now there were two of each of them and he really wanted to see what would happen. “Do you think it would cancel it out? Like since we’re technically the same person it’d be like kissing ourself so...would it even count at all or would it be like kissing the mirror when you’re a kid?”

Doppletwunk hummed thoughtfully, glanced at their Steves then turned back to Bucky. “Mirror?”

“Mirror.”

"Hey, honey?"

"Yeah, sugar?"

"Can I kiss other me?"

He took Steve's choking as a yes and yanked his Doppeltwunk close and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"That's not the kind of kiss I meant."

"I know." He took a steadying breath then pressed his lips to twunky him's. Softly at first and then harder when the younger man gasped. Bucky licked across his lips, feeling the slight differences between them. This Bucky's lips were slightly fuller, softer too because he hadn't been chewing on them, and tasted of cotton candy gloss. He parted his lips with a sigh and Bucky tangled his hand in his hair then twunky him shuddered at the the coolness of his metal fingers on his face when Bucky cupped his cheek. Twunky him's hands came up to grasp his shoulders and Bucky sighed when they pulled away from each other.

"Not as weird as I thought it would be."

"Nope." Barista!Bucky grinned at him, lips swollen from their kiss and Bucky yelped when he was picked up and slung over a broad shoulder. His husband placed a proprietary hand on his ass and carried him out of the living room, straight to their bedroom to toss him on the bed. Bucky heard his Doppeltwunk yelp and laughed. He was probably getting the same treatment.


End file.
